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Lead & Infobox:
SethBling created original and derivative video games, devices and phenomena within Minecraft, without Minecraft mods- sounds weird to have "within" and "without" within two words of each other. How about this? "SethBling created original and derivative video games, devices and phenomena in Minecraft, without using Minecraft mods".
SethBling attended YouTube-, Twitch- and Minecraft-related conferences.- How does this relate to the previous sentences in the paragraph?
SethBling holds a former world record of 42 seconds for Super Mario World and a former world record for The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild.- Would this be "formerly held a world record"?
He was first to do so on a home video game console in 2015.- Does this mean he was the first person in 2015 to do so? I'm guessing so, but it's a bit unclear.
SethBling injected code to play a Flappy Bird-like game within Super Mario World by hand on a stock Super Nintendo Entertainment System. He was first to perform this kind of arbitrary code execution by hand. Cooper Harasyn and SethBling created a jailbreak by hand using exploits to save a hex editor onto a read-only memory cartridge, allowing for creation of mods.This seems like a bit much detail for the lead.
SethBling grew up Jewish.- You mentioned that there is very little information about SethBling's personal details. I think that if you can find sources for this, you could add it here, since this seems to be one of the very few personal details available. Plus it doesn't quite fit with the next couple sentences, which are about his gaming background.
His nickname is derived from his AIM screen name in high school.- This should probably be mentioned earlier on. I was wondering where his name came from.
SethBling earned a Bachelor of Computer Science.- This doesn't flow smoothly with either the previous or the next sentence.
SethBling thought the game was "really cool" and played it for "around a month", after which he was "done with this game". A few months later, he bought a new computer and decided to play Minecraft again.- I am pretty sure that common phrases like "around a month" can be unquoted, or you can just say "about a month". Also, does the source say if he played Minecraft on a computer, or mobile device? Later on, the page mentions that he seldom played console.
he did not expect to gain subscribers as a small channel with a few videos, and he created his first few videos to "better get [his] money's worth" from the screen recording utility Fraps he bought- I would rearrange these ideas, explaining first why SethBling created his initial videos, then explaining that he didn't expect to gain subscribers.
SethBling worked as a software engineer at Microsoft for three years, working on Xbox (unrelated to video games) and four months on Bing- I am confused about this sentence. Is this a list of three items, or does his time at Microsoft include his time at Bing and Xbox? I would guess the latter, but the sentence structure is weird.
working on Xbox (unrelated to video games) [...] he had worked on Xbox SmartGlass, a mobile phone app for remote controlling an Xbox console, and the Xbox version of Internet Explorer.- I would suggest combining these ideas.
evenings and weekends in playing Minecraft- "in" isn't needed.
SethBling's YouTube channel came to a breakthrough when a video of his was shared by Minecraft creator Markus Persson on Twitter.- "came to a breakthrough" is vague; I would suggest "greatly increased in popularity". And instead of "a video of his was shared by Minecraft creator Markus Persson" I'd say "Minecraft creator Markus Persson shared one of..." SethBling's videos. This is just because active voice has better flow than passive voice.
is independent since- should probably be "has been independent since"
In 2012, SethBling and survival map maker Hypixel recreated gameplay, maps, and the eight player classes[b] from the first-person shooter (FPS) Team Fortress 2, within Minecraft.- (1) Do you know which month this occurred? (2) The extended footnote "Each player class has its own perks. Player classes can be changed during the game." is not particularly important to this article. I would suggest that you can combine it with the prose.
In the same year, FVDisco and SethBling created Super Pirate Battle Royale, a Minecraft minigame for two teams in which the team that sinks the other team's ship using TNT wins.- I was going to ask "What do you mean by 'TNT wins'"? but then I realized that the winning team uses TNT to sink the other team. This should be reworded.
While players have to avoid falling barrels in the original Donkey Kong, in this version, players have to avoid minecarts- The grammatical structure is inconsistent. A correct grammatical structure would look like this: "In the original Donkey Kong, players have to avoid falling barrels, but in this version, they avoid minecarts." And you could also mention that "this version" is SethBling's modification.
SethBling's minigames have been featured on Minecraft Realms, one of them is Blocks vs. Zombies- That first comma should either be a semicolon or a period.
In 2014, SethBling recreated the sandbox video game Goat Simulator,- Comma isn't needed
Late 2014- (1) This should be "In late 2014".
The Splatoon minigame is similar to the Wii U game: two teams of up to four players- Is painting the ground also the objective of the Wii U game? If so, you should say "The Splatoon minigame is similar to the Wii U game, in that two teams of up to four players...", which will indicate this similarity, and also provides a good transition point.
Programming a lot of Minecraft command blocks- "a lot" is pretty colloquial. Maybe "many" or "myriad"?
The interpreter is slow and slows down with continued use- "slow" is repeated within two words of the first use. You should find a synonym.
The build features a virtual keyboard, a whiteboard which displays the code, and a programmable turtle that can mine and place blocks.- If these are different list items, you should put a semicolon instead of a comma. Semicolons delineate complex list items. Like this: "The build features a virtual keyboard; a whiteboard, which displays the code; and a programmable turtle, which can mine and place blocks."
Later in 2016, SethBling built an emulator for the 1977 home video game console, Atari 2600, in Minecraft.- This would be a good place to split the paragraph.
The emulator has 64 kB of functional random-access memory (RAM)- Just a side note, but geez, good thing it's only an emulator.
While the Atari 2600 renders graphics at 60 frames per second, SethBling's emulator renders graphics at 60 frames per 4 hours on a virtual screen.- "per 4 hours" could be "every four hours". BTW, the Atari 2600 would be able to render 864,000 frames () in 4 hours. Maybe you could put that for scale - similar to in the previous sentence where you compare instructions per second.
SethBling created a resource pack for Minecraft Pocket Edition Alpha- This also seems to be something that needs its own paragraph.
Super Mario career:
In a 2013 interview with Tubefilter, SethBling said, "Until I can find another game with the type of technical flexibility that Minecraft has, it'll be a one-game channel."- This is a very abrupt transition from the previous paragraph. It seems like this has to do more with "all games outside Minecraft" and less with Super Mario itself.
Players can use glitches to modify the game's RAM values, which in turn allows them to write a code which when executed makes the game skip directly from the first level to the credits, without players having to defeat the game's boss.- This is a confusing sentence with a lot of commas and at least 2 "which"es. Consider splitting into two sentences, and rewriting the second half of the sentences. E.g. "Players can use glitches to modify the game's RAM values, allowing them to write a code via
SethBling executed the glitch for the first time on console within twenty minutes after a Super Mario World world record was set without using arbitrary code execution.- This is also confusing. Did SethBling execute the glitch for the first time, 20 minutes after the world record was set? Or was it the first time that the glitch was executed within 20 minutes?
by switching the game's read-only memory cartridges, which was disregarded as a valid speedrun- You should reword this as well. I'm not really sure whether switching the cartridges caused the speedrun to be invalidated, or the cartridges themselves were invalid.
and is incentivized (fitness function)- What are the parentheses there for? I think this link can be integrated into the article without parentheses.
complicated spacial movements- should that be "spatial"?
MariFlow's goal is to play the game as closely as possible to the video footage provided to it- I suppose you can rewrite this, since the second half of the sentence is a bit off. E.g. "MariFlow's goal is to emulate the video footage as closely as possible during gameplay"
had been turned into other games before- this is a little confusing. The article should probably explain that Super Mario World had been transformed, or modded, such that it looks as though you're playing something else.
but SethBling was first to do it exclusively by hand- "was the first"
In-game mods like support for the SNES Mouse and giving Mario telekinesis powers- "like" should be replaced with "such as", and there should be commas after "in-game mods" and "telekinesis powers".
|last=entries. I am pretty sure that is incorrect.